Okay. So, this group of "loser" pastors are getting together in Pennsylvania in April to cry about how there is too much focus on success in ministry and not enough on being faithful. They're having a conference called the Epic Fail Pastor's Conference. Wah, wah. Cry me a river. These guys obviously do not have what it takes to make it in today's "dog-eat-dog" ecclesial landscape. Come on, guys! Get it together! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps like all good Christians should and make something of yourselves (and your churches, for that matter!). God helps those who helps themselves, not those who openly admit to failing at the world's standards for a successful ministry. God is depending on you to spread his fame by building successful churches. Just because YOU can't do it, doesn't mean that you should rain on the parade for the guys who can. It's like I always say, if you can't do, you teach. And, if you can't teach, you whine about those who can do . . . and teach. Or, something.
Anyway, the culture is turning away from God and now is not the time to take our eye off the ball. What is the ball? Glad you asked. It's SUCCESS! What people want is success and successful ministries that are full of success. They want inspiration on how they can be a success and how God can help them get where THEY want to be - a place of success! The last thing that the world needs are weak, unsuccessful, insignificant Christians who admit that they can't get the job done the way the world wants it done. The world has expectations and there are ways that things work in the world. These guys had best figure it out. If they can't cut it, then move over and let someone else do it!
These conferences are awful. They have speakers that no one has ever heard of or that haven't sold that many books or spoken in other conferences (why would I go hear a guy speak at a conference who has not already spoken at conferences?). Most of them have toiled away in obscurity for years in out of the way settings. Lots of them are bad dressers too. What can I learn from a guy who can't dress for success? I WANT SKINNY JEANS AND SPIKED HAIR on the guys that I'm going to listen to. That shows that they are relevant to the culture that is also looking for skinny jeans and spiked hair. Who wants to hear from guys who haven't arrived? What could they have to teach us about building a SUCCESSful ministry? They talk about weakness and failure and frustration and persecution and faithfulness and things taking a long time. You know, if God wanted his ministry to take a long time, he wouldn't have created television and the internet. Or, microwaves for that matter. And, persecution? Child, please. The Apostle Paul never talked about being hard-pressed or perplexed or persecuted or struck down. He had success everywhere he went. And, it happened pretty quickly, too - within a page or two in my Bible.
We need to eradicate "failure" from the Christian's language. God is not a god of failure! Jesus was a SUCCESS!!! Look at the crowds on Palm Sunday shouting, "Hosanna! Hosanna!" If that isn't a picture of success, I don't know what is! If these guys would just follow a few easy principles, they would have the church of their dreams. It's that easy! Well, its not easy. I mean, you do have to have a great personality and positive message, but other than that, if you just follow the steps, you'll become really successful and really popular - all for God's glory, of course.
God didn't call us to fail or to toil away in obscurity! If God's blessing were really on these guys' ministries, we'd know their name by now. Because we don't know who they are (they should really think about opening a Twitter account or something), then they probably don't have much to share with the rest of us about how to be SUCCESSFUL, which is what we all really want. Right? I know, I know. They'll talk about being servants and humility and everything, and I get that. But, what we need out of our pastors are CEOs who can manage the business of church. Service is good and all, but what we really need is effective leadership. If service is needed, that's what the deacons are for, right?
Ok. Enough of this rant. I'm not interested in hearing about guys who finish last in ministry. If I wanted to finish last, I wouldn't have gone into ministry in the first place. I want to finish first (for God, of course) and am looking for conferences and people who can tell me exactly how to do it. Not these guys. Not guys who can't get the job done in a SUCCESSful way.
Sheesh.
This post has the appropriate amount of capital letters to make you really SELL YOUR POINT!
CAPITAL LETTERS MEAN EMPHASIS AND YOU NEED EMPHASIS TO BE A SUCCESSFUL WRITER.
And you went "Child Please" ... Love it.
Sorry, LOVE IT
Posted by: Jeff Moody | February 03, 2011 at 02:14 PM
LOL! Great post!
Posted by: Les Puryear | February 03, 2011 at 02:21 PM
I haven't used "Child, please" in some time. I was proud of that. And, glad that you got that I wasn't yelling with the capitalization. Some people get confused about that and miss the nuance. I was emphasizing. HUGE difference.
Posted by: Alan Cross | February 03, 2011 at 02:22 PM
Uh...I haven't followed your blog for that long...and I may be a little tone deaf when it comes to satire, so forgive me for asking...are you serious or being sarcastic?
Which brings up the next question, if you are using irony, are you speaking at this conference?
Posted by: Jeremy Myers | February 03, 2011 at 02:58 PM
That's funny. You're @LeadFakePastor, aren't you?
:)
Posted by: Wes Kenney | February 03, 2011 at 03:34 PM
Wes,
No, Im not. But, I wouldnt mind buying him a cup of coffee.
Jeremy,
Yes, that was satire. I understand why you had to ask, though. It is hard to tell these days. And, no, Im not a speaker. I just heard about it and liked the concept. Thanks for reading!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Posted by: downshoredrift | February 03, 2011 at 04:19 PM
Whew... Glad it's satire. I was going to be mad if you showed up to church on Sunday with skinny jeans and soul patch.
Posted by: Jeff Moody | February 03, 2011 at 04:34 PM
Jeff,
You would only be mad because you obviously dont care about reaching people with the gospel. Its called CONTEXTUALIZATION. Cmon man. Get with it. If me wearing a pair of skinny jeans will reach even one person, then skinny jeans it is. Although, if I wear them, by definition, they are no longer skinny. Just ru tight. And uncomfortable. But, I am willing to suffer for the gospel just like Paul had to.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Posted by: downshoredrift | February 03, 2011 at 04:40 PM
Thanks for the link to EPIC FAIL Pastors Conference.
Yes, you are right! We are a bunch of pastors who have nothing to offer. because of that, we would love for you to come and participate in our horrible idea.
Can you make it?
Posted by: Jr_briggs | February 04, 2011 at 01:33 PM
Thanks for stopping by, JR. Thankful for what you guys are doing. It's needed.
I'd love to come but won't be able to get away. Praying that your tribe increase.
Posted by: Alan Cross | February 04, 2011 at 01:50 PM
Great post. We all need to read this. Posted it on my facebook...
Posted by: Alan Paul | February 05, 2011 at 04:04 PM
I'm pretty sure when Paul talked about the gospel he was referring to the baggy jeans from hot topic and wallet chains.
Skinny jeans weren't in then.
Posted by: Jeff Moody | February 08, 2011 at 10:40 AM
Sorry, Alan. I didn't get this one the first go around. I've been around so many people that truly stake their ministries on these principles (including the skinny jeans and spikey hair), that I thought you had crossed over too. Glad to know that this was a satire.
Posted by: Summer Whatley | February 13, 2011 at 10:13 PM