Idealism That Kills

I am a very analytical person. I look at things from all angles, study the context, consider flaws and problems, and develop solutions. My brain just works that way - constantly. Often, I wish that it would shut down a bit so that I could enjoy life instead of always thinking about how things got the way they are, why they are that way, and how we can make them better. I doubt that I am much fun to live with, at times. My wife deserves a great big honkin' jewel in her crown for putting up with all my thoughts, ideas, complaints, analysis, and solutions to every issue under the sun. A lot of why I blog can be related to these tendencies within myself.

That said, I realize that much of our analysis and visioneering does little to no good in the vast scheme of things. We all read stories of those vision-laden leader-heroes who transformed people and organizations and led them to a brighter future where all was right with the world. We fill our minds with stories related to the best and bravest and how they have overcome terrible odds to carve some great victory out of defeat. We do this because we are looking for heroes - for people that we believe can set things right. We want to be that type of person. We are all looking for a Savior that can change things. But, in reality, most people basically stay the same unless they encounter some great event in their lives. Very little actually gets accomplished through all of our planning and very little actually changes in the lives of people (at least the way that we want to see change), despite all our efforts.

In our attempts at leading idealistic change, we tend to glamorize our successes and minimize our failures. When I was in seminary at Golden Gate, we used to go out on Friday nights and do street evangelism in San Francisco. It was really hard. I mean, really hard. Still, God blessed it and we saw people come to the Lord. We ministered to A LOT of people. But, it was hard and it required sacrifice. I was pretty faithful with it and I got to lead some teams out when the other leaders weren't around. Did I mention that it was hard?

At one point, the California state Baptist paper did an article on us. I was not interviewed for it, but I was really surprised by what I saw when I read it. The story did not look anything like what I had been experiencing week after week! It read as though we were having all of these great successes and that it was pretty easy. I kept having to read it to find any resemblance to the ministry that I had been doing. They left out how hard it was. They left out how often we were rejected. They forgot to mention the smell of urine and the depravity of drugs, sex, and poverty of spirit and resources that we encountered. They failed to mention how many times team members just didn't show up and how inconsistent everyone was. They never went with us when it was just a handful of us and we got our butts kicked. They just talked about the good stuff, the glamorous stuff. Whether they meant to or not, they lied.

What is so bad about all of this is that it has an effect on others. We did what we did because the love of Jesus compelled us. But, as I sat there reading that article, I thought, "Man, I hope that there's not a young guy in Bakersfield who might read this and think that he can do this. Then, when he goes out and has the exact same experience that we are having, he gives up because he thinks he's a failure."  Our lies about our ministry successes, our personal lives, and all the great things that we are doing do not just affect us by making it impossible for us to really live in relationship with others without keeping on the mask, but they also affect others because our lies make them feel like spiritual, relational, or professional failures when they give it their all and have the exact same experience that we are having. The result is that so many people give up because they don't think that they measure up. Our lies have created an environment for discouragement to flourish in others. They have created the illusion through our idealistic projections that we are more than what we are. They make others believe that great success and happiness is attainable if people just follow our advice and do what we did. Hogwash.

The truth is that life is difficult. Change usually happens slowly. God uses trials and failures in our lives to draw us closer to Him, to strip us of our self sufficiency, and to reveal Himself in us. Sometimes, success, at least in the way that we imagine it, is the last thing that we need. Yet, our idealism drives us to tear apart everything that does not support our public image of what it means to be successful. We turn on our churches. We turn on each other. We criticize and back-bite. We act as though we have all the answers and pretend that if people were just like us, everything would be fine. When all of that fails, we turn on ourselves and consider ourselves to be failures.

Romans 5:3-5 is in the Bible for a reason, I would think. It says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."  There's something redemptive about suffering. Sometimes suffering takes the form of opposition from others and sometimes we just fall short. But, if we look to God instead of run around criticizing everyone because they did not meet our ideal, then we develop perseverance. Perseverance leads to character. God, help us develop character in our lives. Sometimes, even if things are not working out the way that I would like, I need to just not give up. I need to keep at whatever God has called me to and not let my "vision" get in the way of simple perseverance. Life is lived in the day-to-day, not on the mountain top. The character that God gives me leads to hope because I become a person who values God's ways more than my own or what the world has to offer. My hope is ultimately in the resurrection and the return of Christ, so I am not even looking to this world for my final satisfaction. I am to look to Jesus alone.

Life is hard. But, we have to quit lying. We have to quit pretending that things are better than what they are to maintain an image of success. We are to rejoice in the Lord, not in our successes or our circumstances, remember? We have to quit laying our ideal over every situation and becoming frustrated when things don't work out the way we'd like. We destroy marriages, churches, relationships, and ourselves by doing this over and over. Maybe we should just all look to God. Only He can change us. Sometimes He does it slower than we would like. Sometimes He is working in ways we don't understand. Maybe if we talked more about God than we talked about ourselves and our plans, we would be better off.

Just once I want to go to a ministry conference and hear from someone who has not done great things in the eyes of the rest of us. I want to hear from someone who met with God while he did day to day stuff. I would love to hear from someone who spent a long time in one place loving people without them catching his "vision" necessarily and exploding in growth and purpose. I want to meet some people whose identity is not tied to what they do and to what they've accomplished, but it is tied to who they know, namely Jesus.  Then, I'd like to hear how God revealed Himself to them and how they came to know Him and reveal Him to others. I don't want to hear a plan or a pep talk. I just want to see Jesus working in the slow, grinding, day-to-day of life - because that is what real life is really about. I have become convinced that our hope is found in Jesus where He is, instead of in our plans and strategies for success in everything. That kind of idealism kills the soul. It makes us barren because it cuts off the nourishment that comes from meeting Christ in the many rich and meaningful ways that He provides for us all through the day, and it replaces it with a task oriented list of things to accomplish so that our lives will have some meaning. We continue to grasp for the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil instead of the Tree of Life.

Maybe part of what we struggle with is that we pursue the ideal of what our life and behavior should look like instead of pursuing Christ. We want the perfect marriage, so we go after it, even if we destroy our spouse. We want the perfect church, so we study, strategize, and plan to develop the church that does it all (for God's glory, of course), even if we wound and run off members of the Body of Christ. We want to be successful, so we arrange our lives to produce success in our given field, not recognizing the people that God puts in front of us each day to bless and build up. We continue to see problems and God wants us to see Him.

It is good to have goals and a vision, I guess. Or, it can be good. But often, our vision, while perhaps noble and even biblical, often replaces our intimate knowledge of Jesus. It is in Him that we find life abundantely, not just in truth about Him. We are to follow Him personally.

I'm having trouble ending this post. I think that I want it to be perfect and to analyze and solve all our problems. There I go again!  Maybe I should just let it be what it is and encourage everyone to slow down, get to know Christ, and notice where God is working all around us. Then, as Henry Blackaby has taught us, join in with what God is doing and submit yourself to the rhythms of His grace. Lay down your perfect visions of what your life is supposed to be like and receive the moment-by-moment dependence upon Jesus that God wants for us as we abide in Him.

Okay. I think I'll end this post now.      

Comments

[Paul]

Thanks for writing this article. I'm a very analytical person as well and it's easy for me to get into the mindset that to bear more fruit I need to have a better strategy and a better plan. The Bible is littered with examples of people who had no plan at all and changed the world simply by following the daily leadings of the Lord.

On the one hand God gave us brains that think strategically, but then He also tells us "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." It's quite a conundrum.

[Joel]

This post resonates with me as I work in south asia. The work is hard, and I'm not having much success. I hear great stories, and I'd love for them to be told about where I work, but for now they simply can't be. I'm not in a harvest. I'm just trying to be faithful and obedient while plugging away at sharing the gospel and helping others do the same. Thanks for sharing your heart.

[Keith Lucas]

In reading this post I am reminded of a missionary lady that visited Gateway one Wednesday evening to share her life experiences and ministry in Africa. I cannot remember her name or even the country she was in but what I have always remembered was the sweet fragrance of Christ in her spirit and her unflappable faith that God would provide in any situation. I still remember her "abiding faith" and how easy it appeared to be for her to live in that faith. It was this faith that convinced me of her authenticity and her committment. She was not about programs and strategy, she was about faith.

It humbled me then and it still does to this day. Thanks for your insight and your heart.